As a man drifts from maturity to senility, his priorities begin to shift and he finds that he has a great deal of time to muse about philosophical issues. This phenomena, a result of all of the time that had previously been devoted to thinking about sex, can now be re-directed to other avenues, thus freeing up more than 80% of his headspace to ponder the universe.
On a recent Saturday morning after breakfast and the crossword puzzle, I found myself pondering the eternal mystery of the difference between men and women. Since ancient times, men have sought the key to understanding how a woman thinks, all to no avail. I believe that it is impossible to fathom the cosmic truths that make female logic so inscrutable, and one must break down the issue into its component parts; then perhaps progress can be made.
It’s like trying to eat an elephant; you have to do it one bite at a time. It was in this spirit of seeking an example of the male–female dichotomy, that I thought of a question that perfectly illustrates the differences; should the toilet seat be left up or down? What could be simpler and more germane than that?
In the interest of fair play and statistically valid data, I began my research right here at home. I asked Clista to tell me how she prefers the seat to be positioned, and why? The conversation went something like this:
“Clista, I have a philosophical question and I’d like your opinion.”
“Okay, fire away.”
“Do you prefer to find the toilet seat up or down?”
“Down of course.”
“Because I don’t want to sit down and fall into the toilet in the dark.”
“So you’d be happy if the seat always were down?”
“No, it means that you should lift it when you go and put it down when you finish.”
“So you are saying that it’s a man’s responsibility to position the seat at all times, left it up when in use and put it down afterwards; is that it?”
“Where is it written that men must do this?”
“Every woman I know agrees with me on this; it just makes common sense.”
“In this age of equality, it would seem to me that it would be more equitable to share the duties. I’ll lift it to use and you put it down to use. How about that?”
“So you are advocating an equitable division of toilet etiquette?”
“Yeah, a fair sharing of the duties.”
“Good, you can share in keeping it clean; that little brush behind the toilet, the one in the little holder, I’m sure you have been wondering why it’s there, can be ours to share. I’m glad we had this little talk and cleared up your confusion. When you finish scrubbing be sure and put the lid back down.”